Tuesday, May 8, 2012

*** ILARIO PANTANO WINS GOP PRIMARY IN LANDSLIDE.

*** "ILARIO PANTANO WINS GOP PRIMARY IN LANDSLIDE" is a test headline prepared in advance for use in case this actually happens. And it may. He surely deserves it, don't you think?

Ilario Pa... 

The custom headline was offered to us by an outfit calling itself WIKILEAKS NORTH CAROLINA, which is purportedly owned and operated by someone named BUBBA ASSANGE, son of his father, JULIAN ASSANGE.

Ours is the only legitimate news organization offered this headline before the polls close. It is a coveted honor which we covet, and which we accept humbly but with genuine elation.

This is only a test. If this were a true 911 NC/7 congressional announcement, you would have been asked to pack a light lunch with sugar-free drinks, go the the nearest bathroom, get in the tub, and lock the door, leaving your husband outside to feed the dogs.

The real news of this signal political event will be broadcast tonight. Do not be alarmed. Just set your clocks ahead or behind one hour, whichever comes first, and hope that Pantano does win. Your life will be a more joyous experience if this is the case.

Now please go and vote. You know who the man is. We've done our job. Do yours. America will be proud of you! And you will sleep better.

Your pal and fan, Verne Strickland.