Monday, November 12, 2012
By Verne Strickland
- I can’t even spell Bengozzy. So how could I know what happened there?
- I do not think my pal Joe Biden, chuckles too much. We just have a lot to be happy about.
- I do not think Mitt Romney has a whole bunch of wives. That kind of thing only happens in places like Kenya. And maybe Chicago.
- Michelle will not wear no expensive new dress to my inauguration. She actually will wear an expensive old dress – the one Dolly Parton wore to a previous coronation. Oh . . . was it Dolly Madison? Whatever.
- I am inclusive in my beliefs, whatever that means. I think gays should be able to hit on the president. Just not on the First Lady. Not while I’m the big boy in the White House. Y’all got that?
- I can cry too, just like John Boehner. And I do – but never in private.
- If we had called it “Baracko” Care, we wouldn’t have had so much trouble with it. I said that to the Secretary of Agriculture. He told me, "That ain't my job."
- I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Kowalski.
- I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Boardwell.
- I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Madam Secretary.
- I definitely did not have no sex with that cussing preacher, Reverend Josephus Wright.
- I did not have sexual relations with nobody. Don’t ever plan to. I am the president.
- I did not “curtsy” to no dang Arab oil sheik. I bowed. I am the president
- I don’t think the Harem Globtrekkers are all black. I heard one of them has a white mother. You can't ever be too careful where that kind of thing is concerned.
- I worked hard for all Americans in my first four years. And I promise I will do that again in my next four years. That’s why I got re-elected. Voters know what I will do.